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If you are a parent, an educator, or both, I’m putting this book list together for you. I’ve invested an incredible amount of my time and energy into studying the topics of parenting and educating in order to best serve my children as I prepare them for adulthood through a home education. This book list is always growing!

I’m a firm believer in the concept that in order to take care of others, you must first take care of yourself. Though these books are child focused, you should know, I have a whole separate list of books that have helped me better understand myself and grow as a person. Don’t forget about you as you dive into the mucky waters of being a parent and educator. You are the glue that holds it all together!

That said, all of these books have helped me in some way. Some to a greater extent than others. With any book (especially a parenting book), I find some parts to be of value, while other parts, I could do without or even frankly disagree with. As you read the selected books below, take what helps and toss what doesn’t. The goal is to add knowledge and fill your tool belt. 

Before children, my knowledge was exceptional and my tool belt bulging; however, reality set in that I was grossly unprepared for one of the most important roles, if not the most important role, in my life. I spent many years studying and gaining a college diploma in order to become a nurse (my career prior to now), but I had not studied parenting. In this way, I was a sort of adolescent. I thought I had all of the answers without the know how and dove in with overconfidence. Words now come out of my mouth I never thought I’d say or have to say for that matter. Becoming a parent is humbling. 

Now take that up a notch and not only be parent, but be educator as well, and juggle this harmoniously…now that takes skill. I was more aware of my lack as an educator as I hesitantly answered the call to homeschool. I learned early on that the field of education (being a teacher) does not translate directly to being an effective home educator. These roles are different. As with any career, you can find some overlap, but they are different. You do not flip a switch between parent and educator, when you homeschool, you are both at all times. Spending the time to research and become an expert in homeschooling your children turns this double role into a blessing and not a curse.

As you gain your self-proclaimed degree in home education and parenting, I would beware of any books that want to give you a rigid and definitive way of raising or educating. That’s simply not how we work. Kids don’t give two hoots about the rainbows and unicorns you’ve built up in your head of what their childhood and school life will look like. Be ready to adapt and change. Even if something works now, it likely won’t later. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Be prepared to feel intense feelings of love, but just as intense feelings of pain/anger/frustration. Children will teach you where your weaknesses are. Growth is a slow process. We are learning and growing as much as they are.

When I first started homeschooling I began with the book, The Well Trained Mind by Jesse Wise & Susan Wise Bauer. It was a great place to start and gain confidence, but I have given myself far more freedom as the years have gone by. The suggestions and schedules are much too rigid I’ve learned, but at first I needed that. My homeschool now more closely reflects that described in The Call of the Wild and Free by Ainsley Arment with some inspiration from Julie Bogart (author of The Brave Learner). Julie Bogart has been an exceptional resource to me over the years through her podcasts, YouTube videos, and curriculum.

My approach to homeschool these days is far more eclectic with flexibility to veer “off track” as my creativity flows and I discover a new way to guide my children in this journey we’re on together. I’m much more open to letting my children take a leading role in their learning and incorporate ways for them to flex their own muscle of control over their education.

This list is long and not in a particular order, so I’d look through the titles and start with whatever jumps out at you.

Now finally…

My book recommendations:

1. The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart
2. The Call of the Wild and Free: Reclaiming Wonder in Your Child’s Education by Ainsley Arment
3. The Self-Driven Child by William Sixtrud
4. The Well Trained Mind: A guide to Classical Education at Home by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise
5. How to Talk To Kids So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
6. Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
7. Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv
8. The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle
9.  Beyond Behavior Management: The 6 Life Skills Children Need to Thrive in Today’s World by Jenna Bilmes
10. The Global Achievement Gap: Why Our Kids Don’t Have the Skills They Need for College, Careers, and Citizenship — and What We Can Do About It by Tony Wagner
11. Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
12. The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
13. The Explosive Child: A New Approach For Understanding And Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene
14. Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink
15. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck
16. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham

Please reach out to me if you want to discuss any of these books or are not sure where to begin.

Happy reading comrades!

Stay Safe. Stay Sane. Pick up a Book.

Given the current state of affairs, I have been approached by various parents considering homeschool as an option for the first time. I love to speak about this subject, as parent and educator is my expertise and career of choice. With a background in pediatric nursing, child advocacy, over a decade of parenting experience involving five different and beautiful children… I’m quite passionate about it! I’d love to help any of you on a more intimate level as well, but I find there is some information and guidance that simply applies to all who suddenly find themselves pondering if homeschool is right for them.

I think it’s great you are exploring the possibility of homeschool! Homeschool has been an amazing experience for our family, but this doesn’t mean it’s the best fit for all families. People come to it for all kinds of reasons, and oftentimes the reason drives what it will look like for your family. Our initial reason for homeschooling has changed over the years. I think it’s helpful to come up with a mission statement for what your overall goal is for your child’s education. This is ours: “Our mission is to inspire and encourage lifelong learning while preparing our children to be successful adults.” This overarching goal should be revisited from time to time and help guide if your day to day is inline with your long term goals.

Every homeschool is unique to the family. I can share with you how we do things and approach education; however, you’ll need to make decisions that fit your personal family dynamic. We like to look at our education as a lifestyle of learning and not something we sit down to do for a designated set of hours everyday. Learning extends so much further than traditional book work and I think your child will appreciate that kind of approach, given how most of us learn. Learning happens best when you can engage the five senses. Each of my five children are very different in how they learn, personality, interests, and development. I’m able to better tailor their education experience at home in order to help them reach their fullest potential.

Regardless of age and needs, you will need to take the time to find what will work best for both of you. Both of you need to find joy in learning. Also, understand that you may have hard days and so will he or she. So give each other grace.

This will be our sixth year homeschooling. My children are 10 months, 3 yrs, 6 yrs, 8 yrs, and 10 yrs.

Your children are going to be your best teachers. I say this because despite the idea that you are signing up to teach them, inevitably they will be teaching you. They are going to uncover weaknesses in yourself, you weren’t aware of. They are going to test your patience and commitment to them and their education. They are going to look for constant reminders that you love them. They will pick up on your mood, emotions, and interests. It’s impossible for you to know everything about anything and you’ll need to embrace this as you learn or relearn with your child. You are their model at all times! You will make mistakes, so have the humility to address them and apologize when you inevitably fall short of perfect for your child.

I highly recommend taking time for self-discovery and self-work before and during your homeschool experience. Find your support. That may come from family, friends, and/or interest groups. Connect with people that can encourage you. 

There are many many curriculums out there. I can share with you what we use, but you may want to explore others as well since my values, beliefs, personality, and needs of my family/children will be different than yours. Taking on homeschooling is an understanding that you will always be learning and evolving as well with your children.

There is no “right” way to do it.

I find it extremely helpful to create a syllabus and lay out my rough plan for the year of what we’ll cover and what resources we’ll be using. This may change, and we move at a pace appropriate for my child, but it’s a guide. I also reserve flexibility to go down rabbit holes and detour from our set plan from time to time. I keep three ring binders for each of my children where I have our routine and their syllabus included. Throughout the year, I will add their work under subject tabs to create a sort of portfolio for the year. I also keep a planner to help me stay organized with our daily goals. 

Despite common belief that homeschoolers are isolated and lack socialization, this has not been our experience. My children interact with individuals of all ages and developments on a regular basis. Before COVID, we took part in many local homeschool groups, field trips, classes, and play dates. We have had to restrict given the pandemic, but are still remaining in touch with a smaller circle. If you are looking for homeschool groups in the area on FB search for: Learning Together Rochester (secular), Rochester Christian Homeschoolers, Schole (Rochester). There are many other larger groups outside of these that you can be a part of, but this is local.

In Minnesota, you will need to complete a Letter of Intent through your school district and submit this in the fall. Children are required to do a standardized test (you choose the test within the given parameters) every year from 7-17 if they are homeschooled; however, if a child attended school before age 7 and is being removed to homeschool, you need to start this sooner. Take some time to search for MN state laws and requirements on this. You don’t need to report her results, but must have them documented and readily available should they be requested. We have used the Peabody test and it has worked well for us, but others I know use the Iowa Basic or the CAT. This test should not be a time of stress for you or the child, but simply providing documentation that learning is taking place and giving you an opportunity to “check in” with where your child is at, given the context of what’s tested.

To give you an idea of how I set up my structure for the year, here is my preschool plan that I’m currently doing with my son.

Preschool Syllabus

This is what I had used for kindergarten before I started doing more combined work for our large and growing family.

Kindergarten Syllabus

Kindergarten Routine Spreadsheet

I have since moved to a more combined model since this better fits the needs of our family.

This is our syllabus for this coming school year.

Combined Syllabus 2020-2021

This is the routine we’ll be implementing.

You are welcome to further explore Koren Academy, the site through which you’re viewing this post. I taught many classes in-person out of our home to groups of homeschoolers in the past, and last year I moved to venturing an online class as well. When COVID hit, I tried to finish the year by moving our in-person classes to online.

Depending on your personality and energy and that of your child, your homeschool may look similar or very different than ours.

I highly recommend exploring Julie Bogart from Brave Writer’s podcasts.

I hope that is helpful and gives you a start on exploring and researching the possibility of homeschool for your family. Please contact me personally if you’d like access to view online albums of our homeschool, syllabi and spreadsheets I’ve created to organize our school years, or if you are seeking curriculum recommendations, etc. I’d love to answer questions you may have and offer what guidance I can.

I hope to post a list of parenting and educator book recommendations soon!

Stay safe. Stay sane. Consider your options.

I have been hesitant to write anything regarding the fallout from the death of George Floyd. Emotions are high, restraint is low, and our country is vulnerable and in danger. There is a need to signal who’s team you are on and much of social media and the news are fueling this fire with posts and responses that don’t lead to conversation, but to illicit an emotional response clouding out logic. It’s dangerous to scan the headlines and allow memes to form your views on the subject. It’s enough to make your head spin.

I think of the parable of the blind men all told to feel a part of an elephant (an animal they’ve never known) and yet describe and explain the beast. The point is, we’re all getting a small snapshot of the issue at large. I applaud those that are taking this time to slow down, reflect, read through multiple news sources across the political spectrum, and as they develop opinions and conclusions, know that their mind must remain open to change as additional information is available and learned. The people that are taking the time to understand this problem from all angles, even those they disagree with, are doing their civic duty. I’ve shared this quote before and I’ll share it again.

“I never allow myself to have an opinion on anything that I don’t know the other side’s argument better than they do.”

Charlie Munger

I have yet to speak to anyone black, white, blue, red, yellow that thinks what happened to George Floyd is okay. It’s not. Let’s be clear. It’s not.

I can understand the people saying that riots are the result of voices unheard; however, I don’t condone this. We can do better. I don’t disagree that problems exist within our system; however, this doesn’t mean that everybody who doesn’t look or think like you is the enemy. Our country is in turmoil and I get that many are reaching their breaking points.

Let’s use this to fuel change, not destruct. To learn, not harm.

It has been hard for me to narrow down my focus on this subject. At first, I thought people were outraged that the police officer abused his power in the killing of George Floyd. Then, I thought people were outraged because George Floyd was black. Then, people seemed outraged that there is a pattern to be found in how police officers zero-in on the black community. Then, people seemed to think that everyone is racist and we have not made strides in equality here in America. Then, people seemed to think that white people owe the black community…and any other minority I’ve seen pop up as being upset with how the US has treated them.

I have seen people of all race and color be attacked, killed, and robbed in the midst of this mayhem. The lines are becoming blurred on protesters vs. rioters vs. opportunists; police officers vs. racists vs. abusers of power. The human race is simply not this simple. We have complex brains, emotions, and responses.

A snapshot in time does not provide context. It’s up to us to look for it. If police officers are disproportionately harming the black community, is this because they are often called to black neighborhoods? Is there more crime in a black neighborhood? Why would this be? What leads to crime? Crime and impoverished areas often go hand in hand. Is there disparity to be found among the number of blacks living in poverty? Why? Do we need to change how things are run in the police force? What exactly? Do the actions of some bad actors represent the group as a whole? For which groups does this hold true if we think so? Do you belong to a group that has experienced bad actors? How do we address this problem? Let’s start talking. Let’s dive in.

Equal rights are front and center. Anything seems to be on the table. What do we want to see happen? What lies under the surface of this iceberg and how are we going to get at it? If the system is flawed, let’s analyze the system. Let’s study it. Let’s discuss the specifics on how we intend to fix it. As we develop these plans to create equality for all, a common humanity must be found. Love will conquer hate.

“Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

Diversity is what makes us America. We are the melting pot. This brings its challenges (we’re currently eating ourselves alive) and we must stand up to them. In a colorful nation such as ours, our differences must be celebrated and used to build our super power of seeing the world through a variety of lenses. We have the potential to be the greatest nation on earth, a model community, where everyone has something of value to bring to the table. Love, acceptance, and advocacy gets us there. A perfect society is not realistic, but equality is. We can get there.

This means we all do the work. Regardless of sex, race, or income; we all have a responsibility to work towards a solution.

Our nation needs strong leadership to pull us out of this hell that has been created. I’m tired of seeing the blame, violence, and looting as the means to better the world. It’s time to stop acting out and start stepping up. Be a positive leader of change others can stand behind. Think before you act. Listen before you speak.

Stay safe. Be the change you want to see.

I woke to the spill of vibrant colors through my window and the sweet smell of my eight-month-old’s head damp with sweat and curls as he adjusts to the rise in temperature brought by impending summer. I knew I should rest longer, but the outside world was calling to me. I snuck my arm from under my sleeping babe and slipped out of bed. It’s a rare occasion I rise without him. I gently nudged my husband to awareness and asked him to take my place near our infant.

I crept down the stairs trying not to make a sound. I welcomed the stillness. I normally would brush my teeth and begin my day, but I wanted to seize this opportunity of being with myself. Morning breath could wait, I thought. I put my bare feet into the rubber boots waiting by the door. I knew I was breaking a rule I teach my children of always wearing socks with their boots and the cold hard plastic encasing my skin reminded me. Any discomfort suffered would be temporary and worthwhile. I was not going to risk waking our home digging in drawers. These moments are in short supply and precious.

I quietly stepped outside. I quickly became part of a different world. One that was awake and full of life. The apple blossoms stood open and the hidden buzzing told me the bumbles knew this. The plants were having their morning drink of dew, and the birds reminded me that they’ve known the secrets of sunrise well before my existence. I stood for a moment taking it all in. I breathed deeper. I felt myself exhale a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. A breath I’d been holding for some time. As I began to walk through the garden, the sound of my boots on the stones seemed an anomaly. As I prepared to unlatch the gate and step beyond the fence, I took in all the beauty we have been hard at work creating and the life we are returning to this place. I watched robins pluck worms and grasses from the earth that has touched my hands. They perched on the trellises my husband secured for our future grapes and hardy kiwi to vine. A memory of the hummingbirds I’d seen earlier this week flashed to mind. They frequent the apple trees and I’ve seen more of them in the last days than I have in my lifetime.

We can do this, I thought. We are doing this. We will create beauty and abundance both we and the natural world can benefit from. I remembered the desolate mowed grass that once was where our garden is. The vast difference and invitation of life already apparent in it’s transformation. There is good to be found, we just had to dream it, believe it, and create it. Though far from finished, I felt inner satisfaction knowing my purpose in this world. I will leave it better than I found it.

I continued on to the east, where I could see the colors had begun to fade, but humidity hung in the air creating a mystical display. The old barns, though sunken and decomposing with time, held beauty in their aged wood and ancient structures. I will be sad to see them go, despite the dangers they hold. There’s something about a building that’s seen humans through generations that’s hard to let go of. When they do go down, they’ll be taking history with them. Sometimes I like to imagine what life had been like when they were first constructed. The hope of the farmer investing his livelihood in their placement. What had his life been like? What if he could see them now? What hardships did he face?

The patch of dandelions caught my gaze. They covered a space I knew to once had been a garden. They’re hard at work in repairing the malnourished soil. Some have begun to go to seed and white cotton dotted the yellow terrain. I knelt down and looked at them. Really looked at them. I could see the stock of each seed, the holes left from those who’ve made their descent. I could see the circle of life in a single patch. These dandelions would leave the world better than they found it. They came in a time of need, provided habitat, beauty, food, medicine, and amended the soil all the while. I was impressed by them. I hope I can match up to the mark they leave behind. My mind flashed to the quote currently written on the whiteboard in our kitchen.

“Be the change you want to see.”

Ghandi

I rose and took in the landscape; the mist hung heavily around me. I noticed the return of spider webs stringing the flowers, sprinkled with condensation. The sounds of the morning animals thickened as I walked the path towards where prairie meets the forest; the point of highest diversity. My legs swished in the tall wet grass. I paused again, just to quiet myself and hear the nature around me. I allowed a feeling of peace to wash the tension from my neck and shoulders. I relaxed. I felt at ease, something I haven’t felt in some time.

We all need moments like this; moments of peace and clarity. An emotional release. The realization that despite standing alone on a path, we are not truly alone. The earth reminded me of this. We are a part of a whole; interconnected in a complex, yet simple web. My hope is that you too are able to find a moment of quiet reflection; a break from the noise. Take the time to re-solidify your purpose or contemplate it non-the-less. How will you leave this world better than you found it?

Stay safe. Stay sane. Find a moment of quiet reflection.

I’ll admit, my desire to devour various news sources and sort through the muck in order to form some kind of loose opinion on the subject of COVID is waning. Day to day life is happening around here, whether I’m present for it or not. My need to have my head buried in articles and my anxiety level at an unproductive high is diminishing. This doesn’t mean I’ve turned a blind eye to the topic, as it’s very much a part of my life whether I want it to be or not, and there is a level of responsibility as an adult living through this era to be informed.

Part of my diminishing enthusiasm is due to the change in evidence that COVID may not be as fatal as we once thought, now that testing is slowly becoming more wide spread. However, testing, also has its own problems, and there’s room for error with it as well as the interpretation of the data we get from this. Statistics are a sticky game. It’s far too easy to take them and manipulate the numbers one way or another. This is not to say that COVID is to be downplayed at all, but that there is hope it’s not as bad as we thought as we test more of the population. It’s such a mixed bag and the media is loving the sensationalism of it. They are thriving off of us all being hooked to find out the latest and greatest of news. Those of us who once were passive followers, now can’t wait to open the next juicy article that will help solidify the opinion we’ve already formed.

I can have an opinion on anything, but how strongly I cling to that opinion is telling. I’ve seen the issue of the pandemic become a political war. I’ve seen people pin the other side as only caring about money and greed and the other arguing that we are selling our soul to the government and freedom should come above all else. These opinions must be heard, as with many others, but I believe the answer lies somewhere in the middle. And with any opinion, we must hold it loosely in light of new knowledge and be ready to constantly put it to the test.

My own opinions on the topic have changed as new evidence and developments have been made. We are learning more everyday and if this doesn’t force a pause to re-evaluate our stance or modify it, we are not a part of the solution. The common humanity is lost, when we think that one party is motivated by hate and we hold them in contempt. It’s simply not true. I have friends that hold strong beliefs on both sides of this issue, which it feels odd to even write “both sides.” A pandemic is dynamic, there should not be two sides! There should be one, team human race, working through the introduction of devastation we weren’t prepared for.

My friends are NOT the exception. I have compassion for them and the desire to hear their views, and this should not be the end of the conversation. The people I don’t know that hold similar views are just as real as my friends I’m able to still love and care for, despite a difference of opinion. If we sat down together, there is no way I would call them selfish, greedy, or tell them that their fear is misplaced and misguided.

The human experience for each of us is real and it builds from our current and past experiences. These experiences look different for all of us, which can be a good thing! It can be the way we find our way out! If we open our ears and minds and close our mouths to listen, we’ll find that at the root of it all, we share a common ground. We all want what’s best. Most are coming from a place of love, if we listen long enough to hear it. Once this thread of humanity is found, we can have the productive conversations on how we go about doing what’s best and from a place of love together.

The common phrase, “strong convictions, loosely held,” is the only way we can go forward in this time of uncertainty.

I have many concerns and opinions surrounding COVID where I’m adhering to this concept. The issues brought up by both ends of the political spectrum, do need to be addressed. I have very real concerns about the effects of the economic downfall; how this will effect the ability for families to pay their bills, put food on the table, supply issues, the effects of mental health, the deaths that result from this. I have concerns about the effects of isolation: loneliness, mental health, abuse within homes, a lack of socialization. I have concerns about education; how effective is distanced learning, parents are struggling to work and teach. I think about how much power should be in the hands of the people vs. the government. How much freedom is appropriate to sacrifice in the name of protection? I continue to wonder about the full extent of this virus’s capabilities. What does its introduction truly mean for us globally? How fatal is it if we could collect and analyze reliable data at a massive scale? I have concerns about the timeline. When and how do we re-open? What will or should be forever changed? How do we hold the safety of the people in balance?

I think believing you have all of the answers to these questions is a fallacy. I think disagreeing with our political leaders and the ability to question them is healthy, but picking on them like a bully on a playground is not. It’s time to grow up and that means knowing how to communicate effectively, develop solutions, and move forward.

Stay home. Stay safe. Have strong convictions, loosely held.

It’s strange, but sometimes I forget I’m in quarantine. The business and state of flow I find myself in just getting the day to day accomplished with my five children and getting our farm started consumes me as a welcome distraction. Although, we had classes we did both inside and outside of our home as a homeschool family, we would turn our focus inward for a time as necessary during various seasons, such as the birth of a new baby, or the death of a loved one, of course not quite to this extent.

I find I’m much more content and accepting of the current situation the less I interact with it. There’s a balance to staying informed and avoiding the unproductive nonsense thrown around in social media and poor journalism. I understand that for many, avoidance is not an option. Even for myself, I must recognize that some of this is healthy adaptation and some is a coping mechanism doomed to fail. This isn’t to say, I can effectively hide under a rock. There simply isn’t a rock big enough to block the effects of this virus out, but I need breaks from following the latest and greatest news for my own mental health.

I’m adapting. My family is adapting. But sometimes our yearning for human connection becomes exposed, such as my daughter’s birthday yesterday. My children have had anxieties surrounding these upcoming celebrations that, in the past, have involved dear friends and family.

I tried to find creative ways to make my little girl feel special and loved. I wanted her to know how grateful we are for her coming into our life. I got up early, I set the table with birthday cards, flowers, her baby book, and the tea pot. Her father made a grocery run to make pizza for dinner per her request. She was the first to come downstairs that morning, and I sang to her in the early quiet. I told her she got to pick what went in that teapot this morning and she chose hot cocoa. We made fresh peanut butter and added it to our homemade yogurt, another of her requests.

Although I put up a strong front, I mourned the loss of family and friends being present for this occasion. But love has a way of traveling beyond our physical being and we were to be shown how with distance, it would still find us.

My daughter received video calls from grandparents, where they sang to her, played with her, and asked her about her day. One friend went above and beyond what I would have expected and made the long drive out to our rural home with her family, got out of the car, dropped thoughtful handmade gifts in our mailbox, and sang to my little girl from a distance. There was a happy sadness to it. We were thrilled to see them, but both parties kept their distance. It was a moving scene. It made my daughter feel so loved and special. She was all smiles for the rest of the day, holding tight to the hand-sewn monster her eight-year-old friend had made her. They also gave her a tulip for each year, which we planted with love in her garden.

I was so touched how our family and dear friends made the efforts to send love in our direction. It truly is an unstoppable force. I’m forever grateful.

After the day’s events, my oldest daughter confided in me. She told me that when all of this started, she thought quarantine would be “fun.” She admitted that now, especially after the glimpse of her friends in physical form, the novelty has worn off, and she yearns for them. Me too, I told her.

Though we adapt and have a way of doing mental acrobatics to find joy in the day to day, we are social and tribal creatures. We were not designed to live in isolation. We are being put to the test. Yesterday was a mix of emotions for all of us and we learned that we can feel joy and sadness simultaneously. Through the hardships, we are seeing love able to triumph. We are finding blessings out of tragedy.

We must allow ourselves the reprieve of distraction from time to time, but remain open to the human experience of emotion. When it comes, welcome it as an unexpected visit from a friend, spend time feeling it, own it, then allow it to become part of you going forward.

To my special friend, thank you for loving my daughter as your own. You are a light in the dark.

Stay home. Stay safe. Love will prevail.

Early in the day, I was filled with hopes and aspirations… I had coffee, inspiration, and motivation. I saw a day of rainbows and unicorns. I let the kids play as I prepared myself to make this time magical. We began. We made peanut butter by pureeing peanuts adding a hint of olive oil then added it to our homemade yogurt for a delicious breakfast. Next, I met them where they were at with their interests and we tied Minecraft to history learning. We read about Medieval monasteries and manors, then planned how they could build such a thing in game. We took this a step further and prepared a peasant meal of bread and soup using more traditional grains flavored with herbs and veggies. We added salted pork. 

Then lunchtime came, and my husband was in a more difficult mood. It’s to no fault of his own that I took on his energy. I felt the need to rescue the unicorns! My fragile state was being exposed and it became an effort to find joy in these mundane and isolated tasks. It wasn’t that we fought. We didn’t. It’s those subtleties you pick up on after nearly 15 years of marriage that you can’t ignore. It’s a tone, a glance, an agitation, a posture of arms and legs crossed; that without trying, you know your better half is off. And when half of your being isn’t balanced, you begin to tip. I was grasping for the fairy dust and endless opportunities I had felt just moments before. He returned to work down the hall, but I could feel the air had changed and a dark cloud had taken shape.

I washed dishes and cleaned up growing resentful of the lack of assistance. I began to focus on how often this is the case. You see, when the air becomes tainted with resentment, you become blind and narrowly focused. Suddenly, all of the beauty around you hides in the shadows. I became acutely aware of the lack of reprieve. The thought that I haven’t conversed face to face in intimate proximity with an adult outside of our home in over a month. The thought that I had already been struggling in a state of transition prior to this virus. The feeling of my needs slipping further and further down the priority list poisoned my thoughts.

By the afternoon, my unicorns were slaughtered and a storm was brewing with little hope of a rainbow.

I attempted to bottle these unwelcome feelings. I didn’t want to feel them. Not today. Not ever, honestly. I pushed them down, but with each challenge the day brought, my shield of resilience was cracking. I lost my temper. I yelled. I said things I would later want to take back. I wish I could say I’m above this form of an adult tantrum, but the reality is I’m human. As much as I want to be the perfect and ideal mother and wife, I’m not. I have flaws. Under stress, these imperfections surface and I’m both embarrassed and humbled by them. Why can’t I be a peaceful parent? Why can’t I yet regulate my feelings? I’m far too old to have not figured this out! Yet, I continue to have these expectations of my children and spouse?

By the end of the day, I was exhausted and defeated. The feelings of resentment had yet to subside, but the guilt was setting in. I wanted to retreat. I wanted to raise my white flag. But in quarantine, and social distancing, there’s no friend or grandparent in shining armor there to save you, and if the lord of your manor (your beloved spouse) is wounded, you realize you’re ill equipped and on your own.

You must take complete responsibility for your own well being. This thought can be overwhelming when in a state of despair. We are social creatures. The idea of conquering the wilderness alone seems absurd. But we’re being asked to step up. Growth hurts. Mistakes are made. It can be downright painful.

I awoke the next morning to this quote on our white board.

“I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent – No one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.”

-Seneca

Though I recognize for many of us, myself included, it’s not that we haven’t lived through misfortune or adversity before; but this is a different kind of beast altogether. We are yet to discover the weakness of our opponent and the tools to conquer him. We are being asked to become more of ourselves, and without the intimacy, more as a unit at large. Will we step up? Or will we have an adult tantrum and retreat? Maybe we ultimately do both. We are human after all. But hopefully, much less time dedicated to the latter. We’ll have to continue to dust ourselves off, experience growth, and change course. We must believe we are capable of more. No warrior becomes great until he steps upon the battle field. The mind is our most powerful tool. We have the ability to shape it as well as the reality around us. We can find out what we are capable of. It may surprise us. But we could not arrive here without hardship. Suffering shapes humanity.

Yesterday, my growth was painful, but rest has a way of giving us the gift of a reset. The sun still brought light out of the darkness this morning. I was blessed with another day to try again to conquer my opponent and so have you. We are fortunate to live through misfortune. We have these challenges to open our eyes to what we are truly capable of.

Stay home. Stay safe. It’s hard. Try again.

Happy Easter from my quarantine to yours. Let’s start with the tough stuff. Normally, on this day every year, we wake up, find baskets and eggs, and then get ready to travel to go visit our family in the city; where we share a meal and togetherness. We have the chance to further the bond with grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Our children would happily engage in egg hunts with their cousins and relatives as onlooking adults find the childish joy rekindle a forgotten happiness in their souls. We would pray together, giving thanks for a meal, and remind each other and ourselves of the meaning of Easter, and to the children’s disappointment, debunk the idea that bunnies lay eggs. We would be dressed in our best and happy to oblige to photo ops to help solidify the memories made together on this day. It’s in the back of our minds that we don’t know how many of these holidays we have left with some of the people we love the most. At the end of the day, our tummies and hearts full, we would head for home, as a blanket of darkness signifies a time to rest. My husband and I would look forward to the drive home, when the children would give into sleep (hopefully), and we could spend the remainder of the time conversing quietly with one another, expressing how grateful we are to share in one another’s company.

We miss them. Video calls are not the same, but a worthy substitute given the circumstances. It’s difficult to recreate the magic of a holiday once shared with numerous loved ones and the reprieve felt by their presence. This year, I didn’t focus as heavily on the festivities, like I have in the past, as distraction has become an unwelcome friend.

Upon my realization of this, I attempted to scramble last minute to still make this day special. I had to evaluate what resources I had at my fingertips. What could I do, given what I had, that didn’t require going to a store, that would not only be meaningful, but leave a positive memory of this time for my children? Honestly, doing this from a place of depletion is a daunting task. Because, living in isolation has left many of us depleted, and to this, I’m not immune.

It came to me that I had fabric long waiting to be sewn into form, and from this, I made with love and care, an article of clothing for each of my children. They knew I was working on this project for them. They saw me. They had an appreciation for the time spent to carefully assemble each of their gifts. When finished, I decided to call them their ‘Quarantine Easter Pants’, and ‘Quarantine Easter Sleeper’ for the baby. I let each child wear them as soon as they were removed from the sewing machine; the excitement for who was next in line built joyful anticipation.

My older daughter, mirrored the excitement of such a custom gift, and offered to sew pockets onto the pants of the older children. I gladly let her. She then decided she wanted to do more; she asked if she could hide the eggs this year, and set the table with their Easter baskets. I was thrilled with her desire for reciprocity, and an opportunity to lighten some of the “load.” To her, this was not a burden, but an exciting opportunity, and she did a wonderful job! My heart swelled with pride watching her lead the younger children on an egg hunt, having the table set with baskets she filled with gifts (her own trinkets, homemade coupons, and notes), and preparing pie dough for Easter dinner.

My husband led the children in folding a mountain of laundry I had made a couple futile attempts to start, then had to retire due to other motherhood duties beckoning. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to the task and it was only growing with each passing day I avoided it. At least it’s clean clothes, I’d tell myself… But this morning, they all stepped up and got the job done. This was the best gift. There was one less weight resting on my weary shoulders.

This is what it’s about, I thought. Doing the best with what we have. Finding the hidden opportunities. Seeing reciprocity, and building gratitude. We will be in touch with loved ones today virtually. Though it’s a day to celebrate that Christ has risen, we will rest. We’ll sit cozy by our fire in our ‘Quarantine Easter Clothes’, grateful to not travel in the winter storm. We’ll read, play, cook, bake, eat, and say a prayer together. We’ll continue to build our family muscle, giving us the strength to face this together. We too, will rise to the occasion, despite the death of tradition. We are sending our love from afar into your homes.

Stay home. Stay safe. Happy Easter.

With each passing week of this pandemic, I’m seeing a change in our family and in our children. Some days we struggle no doubt, but on the whole my children are not only growing, but thriving. They have shown me resilience in this time of uncertainty. They are finding ways, they too, can help. They are choosing love and grace for one another as we navigate this new territory together.

We miss our family and friends that had brought so much richness to our lives, but there’s a unity, an understanding, in this shared suffering. They share their fears with us and inevitably overhear ours as well, as we do not hide our adult conversations from them.

Last summer we read the Little Britches series by Ralph Moody, about a little boy growing up in the early days of Littleton, CO. The young boy grows up in a time of hardship and rather than be broken by the experience, he stands up. He takes on the role as a contributor to the family and demonstrates the value of learning, loyalty, respect, and personal growth. Despite becoming a mature young man, he does not resign from childhood. He is given a lot of freedom to make mistakes and find himself along the way. My children admired his big heart and drive to living with purpose.

This could not have been a better series for us to have embarked on. We had not known how relevant much of the shared read aloud experience would be just months down the road. My children were inspired. These stories left their imprint in their hearts.

I can see it shining through during this pandemic, as my children apply the teachings without my lead. You never know as a parent, what will stick, but with time you get glimpses into what left an impression on them.

I could not ask for my children to respond any better than they are. They are eager to live with purpose. They are eager to strive toward a common goal. They are eager to step up, however they can. They were born for this. It’s in their nature.

I’ve seen evidence of this. My oldest daughter has begun creating her own online classes, she has been baking and cooking for the family; twice this week she asked to make dinner. She helped my three-year-old brush his teeth, put on a diaper, and get into pajamas at bedtime. My oldest son has been reading to his younger siblings without request, he has worked out in the yard alongside his father as the sun starts to dip beyond the earth, and he has comforted his little brother as they snuggle together and slip into sleep. My five-year-old has jumped in to help with dishes, broken up soil in the garden, and held and comforted the baby as I have tended other tasks. My three-year-old has retrieved the needed pacifier, watered seedlings, and happily collected grass clippings for mulching our newly planted fruit trees.

The three older children taught my preschooler to ride a bike yesterday, offering loving encouragement, and holding the handles as he gained the confidence to gingerly mount the new venture. They have dirtied their hands preparing for new growth in the garden. They have hit their thumbs with hammers as they advance their skills in the trades. They have opened their hearts as they actively prepare COVID19 care packages for some of our loved ones.

There’s an understanding that we are in this together. That these connections are to be held beyond all others. We are each other’s lifeline. No quarrel is left untended, as our well being rests on the shoulders of one another. Though it’s easier to take on the role of victim of circumstance, I’m proud to say they are not. Just as a muscle must tear to develop new growth, our family is pushing the limits, feeling the pain, then recovering with enhanced strength. This cycle of building our family muscle will continue until we are strong enough as an organ to sustain life.

Stay home. Stay safe. Build your family muscle.

Yesterday I felt the weight of the world on my slumped shoulders. The gravity of the times we are living in sunk into me that much deeper. I felt weak and helpless, which as anyone knows, is an awful feeling. I wanted to just curl up in bed, return to the fetal position in which my life began; I missed my mom. Yes, even seasoned mothers need their moms.

I tried my usual uplifting readings, made sure to start the day with a hot shower, drank my cup of coffee. I wasn’t shaking it. These emotions come in waves, or as the Kubler-Ross Model suggests: cycles. Today was going to be a depression day. Awareness of this is an important step toward owning it. I also knew that spending time in this darkness was a necessary part of the process of grief, and although painful, is temporary. It won’t last forever. I began to recognize quickly that I could not carry on with business as usual and I would need to find a good place to be strong enough to lead my children through today.

It is tough to stay well informed and remain optimistic surrounding COVID19. There’s much uncertainty right now in so many realms of life. The virus is hitting closer to home everyday. And I believe it will continue this path for some time. The stories will become more frequent; more personal. Our family and friends will become “numbers.” Except that they aren’t “numbers.” They are our aunts, sisters, brothers, children, cousins, mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. They are our mailman who smiles and waves, the cashier at our frequented grocery store who asks if our child wants a sticker, the nurse who held your hand when you or your child was scared, the cop that helped you that time you locked your keys in the car, the knowledgeable man at the hardware store who helped you purchase the right tool for the job… These are our people. They are on the front lines.

These are our people.

Some of them will get sick. Some of them will die. We may die.

This is a tough concept to face. It’s easier not to. It’s easier to keep our heads down and not let this reality in. But it’s there. Waiting in the darkness, along with the additional hardships that will ripple out from the blow.

But this is not the end of our story.

Remember that this is temporary, despite us not knowing the end. Another writer, Julie Bogart, compared it to child birth with painful contractions building in length and frequency, except at the end, we won’t have a baby. I want to expand on that idea. We won’t have a baby, but we will have given birth to a new life. Despite the agony a mother feels in these hours, where she has no way of knowing how soon this chapter will come to a close and the intensity has a way of forcing her inward to where she’s unable to focus on much else, we know she will smile again, that this moment of intensity will heighten the joy she feels when seeing that new life she created. She is an active participant. She needs support, encouragement, and love to surround her. She can’t focus on the what ifs and worry. She’s dancing a line between life and death. She must trust the process, her partner, and her midwife. She must know the path will be a difficult one, but there are steps she can take to buffer her discomfort. Deep breaths. Loving touches. Music. A candle. A calm space. A clear head.

We are giving birth to a new life.

This new life is coming. Just like the new mother preparing her nursery, we must prepare. How naive it would be for that mother with a swelling belly not to get her life in order and be ready for when that time comes. We would not birth a child, then decide we need clothes, diapers, a crib… Just as we must not do nothing as we wait for the virus to spread and this new life to come. We can get our lives in order. We can plan. We can focus on our well being, which in turn allows us to focus on others.

The following quote is prominently displayed in our home as it seems a relevant and necessary reminder:

“God grant me the
serenity
to accept the things I can not change,
courage
to change the things I can and
wisdom
to know the difference.”

My children and I did an art project inspired by some dear friends of ours yesterday to bring hope and light into our darkness. Something to remind us to trust the process. It used Tempera paint mixed with a splash of water and a drop of dish soap, blue tape, and a window. We made chocolate chip cookies and listened to music as we created our own stained glass. It was a moment of beauty and unity. The results were glorious and moving as the afternoon sun shone through. You can see it in the photo above. I encourage you to bring hope and light into your own homes. Start planning your new life. It’s coming.

Stay home. Stay safe. New life is coming.