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I’ve found that since I’ve left FB, the tug to return has come and gone. There are a couple things I miss: (1) how easy it was to share and (2) keeping up to date on happenings. The funny, not so funny thing is that there are also two things I don’t at all miss: (1) how easy it was to share and (2) keeping up to date with happenings.

Maybe it’s not such a bad thing that it is more work to share our lives. Maybe every intimate detail isn’t meant to be broadcasted to an audience of hundreds of friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances. Perhaps, it’s a motivator to reach out and get those face to face interactions we so badly crave as human beings, but tease ourselves with in an artificial virtual form. Maybe the conversations and relationships are more honest and meaningful when we remove the middle-man media and seek true intimacy with one another. Should it be so simple for us all to know each and every passing, unfiltered thought we have? Should someone I forgot their name know what I made for dinner last night? Should they care? It’s such a strange place to navigate.

Don’t get me wrong, there is connection that can happen on social media and lead to further enrichment of in-person relationships, but this is not what’s driving a company like FB. They provide a “free” service, in exchange for us. We are the product. We are being sold. We are being tracked, identified, censored, advertised to…we are willingly handing over our privacy and inner most thoughts, desires, and drives to a company…because it’s free and so easy. It’s just too convenient not to.

We don’t need to see each other often to get an artificial sense of connection and approval from each other. A simple glance and “like” can do the trick. This synthetic form of socialization tricks our brain into thinking we belong, we are loved, and we are accepted…at best. But a “like” or heart emoji reaction, doesn’t translate into a loving touch, glance, or act. Being allowed to join a group doesn’t translate into a fulfilling tribe of close friends ready to help you in your time of need. Seeing a stream of highlights of each others’ lives, doesn’t mean we know each other.

Is what we give up a worthy trade? Are there other places we can connect and share happenings without sacrificing ourselves? I believe yes. It is hard to break away, to feel in the minority, to not follow the trend, but I recall a poster from elementary school that said, “What’s popular isn’t always right and what’s right isn’t always popular.” So much wisdom for my developing young brain that I couldn’t fully process yet, but this is it. The world is presenting all kinds of temptations into a sinful, unfulfilling, existence. These companies didn’t create their business model to improve your life and mental health, but to exploit you. They study what makes you tick as a human being and use it against you to keep you on their platform and feeding the expansion of their company and profits. You are a commodity. Is that what you signed up for?

When they play the game of hitting your dopamine receptors to keep you on the platform as long as possible, who is truly gaining? What would you be doing if you weren’t spending your time this way? Every choice we make results in an opportunity cost. When we say “yes” to one thing, we are saying “no” to another. When we sit down with our phone and begin to scroll, what are we passing up? For me, I was passing up quality time with my children and spouse, time to clean my house and get my life in order, time to call up or meet up with a friend, time for quiet reflection, time for self-development, time for rest and sleep, time that should have been spent seeking God and His word. If I could add up all of the hours…

And then there’s the snap back to reality. Wait, are these people really my friends? Do I truly feel more fulfilled having just spent the last 30 minutes scrolling? Has my life and mood been improved? Was I living in the guidance of the Holy Spirit? Have I shown love to others? Have I learned something valuable? Have I contributed to making the world a better place? What did I just say “no” to, so I could say “yes” to social media? This should be a sobering moment, but for many, the addiction and craving is too strong to remain sober for long. This is deliberate. Social media companies hire psychologists to better manipulate you into returning and repeating the addictive offense. It’s a hard pattern to break, deliberately.

The American Psychiatric Association describes addiction as including the following: impaired control, social problems, risky use, and (drug) effects. These may seem not to apply to you at a glance, but if you really break it down and think about it… Have you ever felt a strong urge to check your social media? Have you tried and failed to cut back on the time you spend on there? Have you failed to complete tasks at work, home, passed up “real” social connection or leisure opportunities because of time spent on social media? Have you ever checked social media while driving? Have you known there are problems that result from your use of social media, but continued despite that? Have you found the time you spend on the platform growing? I imagine for many, it wasn’t too difficult to answer “yes” to some or all of these questions, which define each of the key pieces of addiction previously stated. These key components were intended to address drug addiction, but simply remove that word and fill in the blank with “social media,” and wow, many of us have a serious problem to address.

I don’t write this to wag a finger at anyone, but rather to wake up someone all too similar to myself that is not living their best life because they are being consumed and manipulated by the addictive force of social media. This past winter, I reached an all-time low and I have zero doubt in my mind that my time spent on Facebook directly correlated to that depressive state. I ingested so much virtual poison! But God used this dark moment of weakness and suffering for good. I was finally quiet enough to hear him shouting at me that this “connection” to the world was a lie. I was being deceived. I needed to release this part of my life and truly dedicate myself to Him. That was where I’d truly find fulfillment. We all worship something. Whatever owns our thoughts, time, and actions…owns us. We worship that all consuming thing. After deleting the app off my phone and finally making the decision to remove myself from that world, my eyes were open to what God had in store for me. My heart and mind have been transformed as I give space to the Holy Spirit and NOT social media. I was flooded with a sense of purpose and meaning. My love for God and others grew ten-fold. I was able to forgive, release, and embrace this new approach to living.

This doesn’t mean we live with our heads in the sand. I’m very aware that social media has been plugged into many aspects of our world today. But we need to be our own advocates in this. We have to keep thinking for ourselves and evaluating if what we are engaging in is truly in line with our values. Perhaps a good way to step back and think this through is to ask ourselves, if our children exhibited our same behaviors, would we praise them for it? We shape the world around us. We must lead by example. Do you have a healthy relationship with social media?