Yesterday was hard. It’s all too easy to have a distracted mind with what’s going on in the world and yet try hopelessly at playing a pretend game of normalcy at home. Normally, my children are great at playing pretend, but this game has no end in sight. We have talked about COVID19 in our home daily and I’ve done my best to explain the situation matter of factually, but yesterday was different.
I felt at peace with the topic, as much as that is possible for me right now, but I forgot a minor, not so minor detail, check in with my children. There are five of them ranging from 6 months to 9 years and each of them have their own unique personalities. With each unique individual comes a unique way of making sense of the world and…coping. Let’s be honest, some of us cope better than others. This is no different in children and I can see the range in mine. Just like adults, some children are going to find unhealthy ways of coping, but unlike adults, children have the advantage of their parents to be a built in support system, assisting their immature mind to untangle the mess this world presents to them. They have the love of those older and wiser to guide them and show them how to keep their brain healthy and cope in a healthy way. Many adults could use this kind of guidance.
My oldest has asked me questions, done her own research, and has written about the topic of COVID19. The baby and toddler have heard us talk, but don’t grasp the gravity of the situation around them. My five year old will ask me if she’s going to her classes outside of our home or what the plan will be for her upcoming birthday. When will we get to have another sleepover with Grandma? But my oldest son had seemed unaffected. He hadn’t asked questions and would simply nod or remain quiet as this topic was discussed.
I should have seen the signs and known to interpret them when this little boy I love and share all of my days with was acting out. We have struggled before, but it has picked up significantly, and yesterday was rough. By the end of the day I was fried, wondering how to pick up the pieces, what went wrong, and looking for tools, as my belt was empty.
Then came the ‘aha’ moment. I noticed the lack of expression from my son surrounding COVID19, despite his maturity level of understanding. I noticed he had been withdrawing. I noticed that when things got hard, he wanted to escape to a book. I remembered that he is my most active child. I remembered that his energy shines the brightest in our home. I remembered that this is the boy who lives in a smile and finds comfort in laughter. I remembered he is the most social of my children, an extrovert. It’s no wonder he’s struggling! My light-hearted social butterfly is stuck in a cage and lacks the skills to communicate his needs and fears. I forgot to check in with him, so he was telling me the only way his developing brain knew how.
Last night, we still snuggled together on the couch and said “I love you” at night, but my ‘aha’ moment came too late for a satisfying resolution. But thankfully, the sun still rises, and the dark hours allow for rest and a time to reset. I can do better. I will do better.
Let’s not forget to check in with our children. Their growing brains are trying to make sense of the chaos that surrounds them and they are ill equipped. We are their trusted safe place and this is not to be taken for granted. It’s our duty to not only keep our own minds healthy, but those growing beside us as well.
Stay home. Stay safe. Today will be better. The sun still rises.